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FFoglamp

Good morning all.

I feel an action packed day upon us.

7 humans left (I think thats what they are), plus an aardvark, and a stuffed donkey.

Hornblower should be back from his snake bite.

The diary room will be full of bleating about lack of food, and how they all get on with each other sooooooooooooo well.

Todays Hatbox challenge will be performed by..........Rab + Greenfairy.

It looks like Pompey Rich has returned from his ant licking good outing, and he;s still trying to deny this virtual jungle exists............so, its Return Of the Pumpy !!!

..............and don't forget to vote !! Its a bush tucker trial, called "POEM FOR FONDS"

You have to vote for the person you most want to write a poem about the Festival Of No Drum Static, as nurtured by the BBC. The winner then has to publish said epic, on this thread. This will be judged by the Caithness Laureate, our very own Mr.Jpig, who will award 1-8 meals based on artistic content.

So, get voting............

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Mmmmmmm PIE!!! How rare.

Aaron Aardvark · Posted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 9:53 am Post subject:

How did he survive the fire ants? Damn!!! He must have an asbestos gob . I'll have to put plan B into action. (it involves drumsticks)

admin · Posted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 5:46 pm Post subject:

***************NEWSFLASH*****************
Morning campers!
Today’s celebrity hatbox contestants will be Rab and Greenfairy so if they can don the safety outfits provided over there in the box we will get on with it.

Rab and GF head over to the box and open it…
Rab: What the hell is this?
GF: Looks like a spiderman suit to me
Rab: Mine is a bloody robin outfit, I’m nae wearing that!
GF: Put it on, I quite like a man in tights
Rab: Why didn’t ya say hen, I’ve got my hold-ups over there in my carrier bag.

The two get dressed and put on their bright red safety helmets before walking off into the jungle looking like a couple of Swan Vesta matches.

GF: I feel stupid
Rab: Who’s he, I hav’nea seen him. Is he in yer bergan or something?
GF: No, I mean I feel silly
Rab: Ye hae two of them ya feel, in yer bergan are they?
GF: No, I mean I look silly
Rab: Look all ya want hen but dinnae call me silly

The two make their way to the wrong place. One because Rab being a bloke won’t look at the map and two because GF being of the non-male variety is giving him the wrong directions!

Rab: You said turn right at the banana tree
GF: Yes but you turned right after the banana tree
Rab: At or af’er I still went the way you told me to. Why didn’t you tell me I was going the wrong way
GF: That’s it, blame me
Rab: I am woman, you had the map!
GF: Right, that’s it, I’m saying nothing
Rab: Thank ye lord!
GF: Well, what do you expect me to say
Rab: You just said you were saying nothing, make yer mind up
GF: I’m going this way then, don’t follow me
Rab: Don’t worry, I won’t. Anyhoo, where’s me wa’er
GF: I don’t know, but there is some water bottles hanging from that tree up there!
Rab: That’s the way I’m going then

Rab sets off to get some water due to his mouth being dryer than the bottom of a parrot’s cage and twice and big… GF follows in hot pursuit.

Rab: There’s a sign here saying that the key to this is Rab’s wa’er
GF: Well how are we going to get any water, it is right up high and I’m scared of heights after walking that plank.
Rab: Looks like it is upto Robin then dizney it?
GF: Well, how are you going to get up there.
Rab: Well, you’ll have to help me get up
GF: How?
Rab: Well I reckon that if I sit on that swing there I’ll be able to swing upto the bottles and grab one. I think the key might be in one of the bottles.

With that Rab jumps on the swing and starts to swing. For those viewers watching in Black & White, Rab is a slender 18 stones and about 6 foot 6. GF is about 6 stone and less than 5 feet tall in high heels.

Rab: Come on girl, ye have tae help me get up. Start pushing
GF: I’ll never be able to get you up there
Rab: Come on, push, Harder

GF begins to push Rab as he kicks with his legs trying to swing himself high enough to grab one of the bottles from the tree.

Rab: One more push hen and I’ll be able to get one
GF: Yeeeaaaaaaagggggghhhhhhhhhh (as she pushes)

Rab Grabs the lowest of the bottles and looks at it to see if there is a key in it. Seeing no key he drops it as GF is just about to push again.

GF: OWWWWW that hurt
Rab: Na’er mind hen, just give me another shove and I’ll be up there again

Rab reaches out and manages to grab 2 bottles. Sadly neither contains a key

Rab: Harder, push harder or I’ll never get up high enough to reach it
GF: I am, it is hurting all this pushing

With an almighty effort GF gives a huge shove and Rab sails skyward

Rab: Yes, yes, I’m close, one more like that and I’ll be there, come on hen, Harderrrrrr
GF: This is the last one, I’ve had it. You are so close, smack it hard and they will come down. Just hit them with whatever you can
Rab: Yessssss! Got there… shouts Rab as he kicks the two bottles from the branch

The two bottles fall down they land in the pile of poo from a few days earlier.
As the swing slows GF is in the poo looking for the bottles.

GF: Here it is, here is your water Rab and it has got the key in it as well!
Rab: Ahhhh me wa’er. I’m off for a walk… tae look fer the hatbox then and hae a drink on the way. You sit down hen, ye look knackered!
GF: Thanks Rab, I do feel poo at the moment

Rab unscrews the top of the water bottle and drinks it down catching the key in his teeth…” wa’er, key, now all ah need is the hatbox and Robert is yer mother’s brother!”

Rab sits down and has another drink and falls asleep from his exertions…

GF: Wake up you lummox, where is the hatbox?
Rab: Eh?
GF: The hatbox, you went looking for it…
Rab: Aye, ah did that.
GF: Come on, we have to find it
Rab: Just gis a hand up, ma bums gone tae sleep from this handle stuck in it
GF: Rab, that is the hatbox
Rab: Aye, I Know, I was sat on it so I remembered where it was

The pair make their way back to the camp with their hatbox…

Upon opening the hatbox they see a Compliments Chit from the Blue Band Secretary.
Hi guys and gals I hope you like the little gift from the Blue Band to make your time a bit more bearable. Love Annie
Rab reaches into the box and pulls out A box of Dunkin Dickies, ten Tea Bags, ten sachets of sugar, ten sachets of plastic cow (coffee whitener) some pussers CDs and a cd player.
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greenfairy · Posted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 9:35 pm Post subject:

FFoglamp · Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:17 am Post subject:

Well Hi there !!!

This thread has been over run with presenters today, and we can't move for Hornblowers wit, and overwhelmingness. TOOO much happening on ITV 2. Wot u lot, working or summat !!!

Anyway, big

to the contestants - have you seen the diary room today.

On the outside Geeky gets a new agent and her own show lined up !!!

Right ATTENTION ALL MEMBERS. 50 mins to go to vote for your FONDS poet.

Pumpy currently leading from Rab. (Stuffed Donkey equal 3rd !)

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Mmmmmmm PIE!!! How rare.

eastneyslapper · Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:20 am Post subject:

You lot need to sort your forum timezones out....

FFoglamp · Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:32 am Post subject:

Why is that ?

We have our planning sorted out thanks. We just make it up as we go along.

So, just be a good little boy, and VOTE, or GET OUT OF HERE !
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Mmmmmmm PIE!!! How rare.

FFoglamp · Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:42 am Post subject:

VOTING CLOSED - cos my timezone says I'm going to bed now.

No aardvarks donkeys or humans won today.............

its.................

POMPEY RICH .

So, Pumpy, we want a poem published here, by you, all about the Festival Of No Drum Static.

This will be judged by our very own Mr JPig from the other side, who will award stars for your poetic licence and quality...

Get scribing...............

STOP PRESS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Elimination time tomorrow. ONE of you must get out of there !

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Mmmmmmm PIE!!! How rare.

admin · Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 11:44 am Post subject:

Ahhh the thick plottens!
More to go, we love eviction night.
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admin · Posted: Sat Dec 16, 2006 9:41 pm Post subject:

Locked
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