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General Melchett

My favourite is still in my signature block and worryingly he meant it....

What about the classic Col. Hoskins: "Watch my feet gentlemen....."

Any more?
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I feel the need - The need for Tweed!

Pusser · Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 9:49 am Post subject:

During some Anniversary of the Liberation of Belgium tour, Mike Howarth was the travelling Bandmaster. In the town of Tournai (pronounced Tourney) the Director of Music, one Captain Peter Heming in a hurry, was being followed by a reporter.

Reporter, "What do you think of Tournai?"

DofM, "Tony? Tony? Never heard of him!"

Something else springs to mind, same DofM not sure of the complete dit but it had something to do with the Yacht, a Royal Visit and a recent welding job on the handrail of the brow.

Dan will know, won't you Dan. Dan?

Matelot QM, "Mind the handrail as you go over Sir, its just been wel.............."

DofM, "missing quote."

Big white bandage to match the single white glove!

Happy days.
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Pusser!

MrJpig · Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 9:54 am Post subject:

A couple from TF..."Always have a pencil in your back pocket"
and one often quoted at conducting practice that is now lost with the introduction of female ranks...

"Please refer to the band as Gentlemen not Gents. The Gents is where you point Percy at the Porcelain"

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Visit The Hawthorns

MrJpig · Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 10:09 am Post subject:

Another TF phrase normally quoted at someone after they failed to notice a key change......"HOW CAN YOUR FINGERS GO DOWN"???
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Visit The Hawthorns

Aaron Aardvark · Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 10:26 am Post subject:

Another Freestoneism..........."It don`t mean a thing if it aint got that swing/string"

...he put up a length of string at Chatham to save a nice bit of shiny floor so 'swing' changed to 'string'.

Mr Bass Trombone · Corporal Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Posts: 407 Location: Spain

Bob Gill B/M dogends

1972 1981. HMS Pembroke Colours one damp morning, When ever the Weather is wet, When ever the Weather is dry, when you wear a Raincoat always wear a tie.

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Mr bass trombone

MrJpig · Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 1:04 pm Post subject:

Mr Bass Trombone · Corporal Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Posts: 407 Location: Spain

Royal Windsor Horse Show(Circa

mid 60s) Band by the Centre Roll your trousers down Goodman, Quick March.

It was a wet evening Benny French horn had given himself turn ups to protect his trews from the mud.
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Mr bass trombone

Mr Bass Trombone · Corporal Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Posts: 407 Location: Spain

Now this is a real cracker.

Massed bands(400)Tercentenery year 1964 sitting in the old Concert Hall in Deal. This particular year dear old ViV wanted the massed bands to sing I Vow to Thee my Country in full four part harmony

on Horse Guards. WE the massed bands were seated in the auditorium, on the stage were the J/nr musns of the day, the rehearsal started suddenly ViV tapped his stand and pointed to one side and said some where over there there is a N$%&*? in the wood pile

, who was sat on the stage a young bass player Charlie Miller, band in fits

Viv in bits shouting Bowden get them on the drill field and do some marching I will be along in a minute, not seen until the next day. And No we did not sing on Horse Guards

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Mr bass trombone

RAB · Posted: Sun Jun 25, 2006 8:09 am Post subject:

Staff Orchestra, rehearsing for some major event.??

..

Major Neville on the rostrum discussing the finer points of something or other. As usual, the orchestra's silence slowly crescendo'd into somewhat of a rabble. Despite a few silent icy glares from the Boss, the noise continued, until he spun round, and at the top of his voice he shouted....

CAT THE CUCKLE...!!!!!!!!!!!
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'Never moon a werewolf'.

Hornblower · Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 8:39 pm Post subject:

Aaron Aardvark · Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 8:40 pm Post subject:

I told you ......I got about all over the place.

Hornblower · Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 8:50 pm Post subject:

So did I - but I got a name...
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I made that classic mistake last night that all guys make. I got really drunk, and I ended up having sex with my best friend.

Now, I can't even bring myself to talk to him.

To be honest, I don't even want to play fetch with him

ITMA!

Aaron Aardvark · Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 8:51 pm Post subject:

RAB · Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 7:16 am Post subject:

FOSNI Band circa '73...Bill "Micky Rooney" Harrison Bandmaster..

On the coach ready to return from a gig late at night.. Band (and Bill) highly inebriated, and some of the lads a bit on the late side...

Bill decided to give us a dressing down from the front of the coach..."Give you B******ds an inch and you take a F****in' ....

At which point he threw his head out of the driver's window and spewed for Britain....

.....

No more public bollockings after that.....

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'Never moon a werewolf'.