Hornblower
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Wizard wheeze for clingfilm!Having just read Jumpy's (& Deli's) account of a great use for pussers maskers, it reminded me of...
...when clingfilm came into popular use. I was serving at BRNC with such old soldiers as John Lusher, Nobby Clark and Pincher Martin.
This tale relates to the late Pincher Martin (RIP) who really was an old sodier of the v old sort - he didn't take any crap from anyone, but he was a nice old boy who made the tea for everyone when they were on morning colours (he told the boss that he wasn't going to do colours - so he didn't)
He did, however, do Saturday morning Divisions (occasionally) and it has to be said that his main claim to fame was the mammoth effort he put into his morning ablutions, once at work and before the aforementioned ceremony, (OMIGOD  You had to be there!!!)
It happened that one of the Saturdays fell on the 1st April and it was a wizard wheeze that someone had to stretch the new-fangled cling film over the great white telephone ready for Pincher's pre-Divisions (ahem) ablutions.
Cling film applied, we all lurked around the heads (quite normal behaviour then!) waiting, with some degree of concern having heard his gargantuan efforts each week, for Pincher to get into his normal routine.
Perhaps (with the benefit of hindsight) it was a v good thing that he changed his routine that particular morning, because the rage that emanated from the trap when we heard the drum roll that was his pee hitting clingfilm and bouncing all over the place was enough to make every single one of us run for cover before he exited the head.
He had absolutely no idea what was going on - but he had a very good idea of what he was going to do with the first smirking bandy he got his big mitts on.
We stayed v well away from Pincher and he never (ever) forgave whoever the culprit was that did that to him. 
I never, ever told him who it was!!!!  Luckily for me, nobody else ever did either...
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admin
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I never did that one myself but did think about it a few times. Perhaps Tuskerman could tell us the dit about the canon in the haeds and blowing the bog up... it has faded in my memory from all the dits he told us in training
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MrJpig
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Ahhhhhhhhhh the ol' cling film in the middle clarinet joint was always good for a hoot....or not in that case  
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Hornblower
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Yes Jumpy, I remember seeing a couple of clartists taking off their mouthpieces and staring down the stick of wood with puzzled looks on their faces
That was nothing to do with me though, someone had to tell me what was going on - I thought it was some strange woodwind ritual they were going through...
A bit like the oboeists blowing on their 'struments whenever they played a wrong 'un
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Bilvers
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A dart flight down a Clarinet had the same effect, used to do it Bob Gibbs and Clive 'Tanky' Webb quite often in the wing
Bilvers 
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bootybandy
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That's a waste of a dart flight that is.....
Stu... I thought that Pincher Martin didn't have any Band rig...Just fishermans wellies and a big Wooly jumper?
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Hornblower
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You knew him? How?
He never set foot out of Dartmouth to my knowledge...
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bootybandy
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That doesn't mean that I didn't step foot inside it though ||||
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Hornblower
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Yeah - I thought that but couldn't think of any time that you did... (|||)
If you did, when was it?
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bootybandy
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1974/75 for a weekend jolly with a couple of ex Dartmouth ratings. Met up at a local pub on Friday night and woke up Monday morning...
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Hornblower
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bootybandy
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Although Pincher didn't do the early morning stuff at Dartmouth, I do recall him being told that he would have do the last Horseguards before he left the mob. I heard he was spitting feathers at that.
His instrument was Saxamaphone too Stuey. Was he per chance that chap torn out of your fire fighting piccy?
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RAB
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| bootybandy wrote: | . I heard he was spitting feathers at that.
His instrument was Saxamaphone too Stuey. Was he per chance that chap torn out of your fire fighting piccy?
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  ..
Ooooooooh you makes I larrrrrrrf sometimes Bri...
You're really clutching at feathers here mate...
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Jim Mason
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Pincher MartinA memory of "Pincher".
He and I were boys together (Howstrake Camp) and we met up occasionally during our service.
He was always a great character, and a run ashore with him was always memorable. My particular memory was when I was Bandmaster in the "Apollo" in the Home Fleet. I had just taken over the band and one of my first visits was to Lisbon. The band had been there previously and Pincher asked me to be sure that if I got a request to play at the Presbyterian Church Hall for an afternoon Tea Dance for the ships company, that I must accept.
Suspicions were aroused! The band, and in particular Pincher, volunteering to play for a Tea Dance!! I decided that they probably had some contacts there, so, of course agreed to do the gig. Much to my surprise, in addition to the normal 7 piece group, the complete band turned up (all 18 of them) some carrying stands, music -anything to look useful and involved, and they all stayed around the stage giving the dance band lots of encouragement. Strange!
After a very formal start to the proceedings, the atmosphere began to liven up a bit, and everyone (particuarly the band) seemed to be having a great time. I then realised that the musicians appeared to be frequently leaving the stage leaving "subs" on the various instruments. (Have you ever heard a French Horn player on Alto Sax?)
All was revealed when Pincher told me that they had a private arrangement with the vicar. On a previous visit he had explained that as it was the Church Hall he could not provide alcoholic drinks for the ships company, but realising that the band needed refreshment, he handed over the key to his wine store and told the musicians to help themselves!
The band voted this one of the best gigs they had done, although I don't recall any of them being converted, and strangely enough, the same thing happened on the next two visits to Lisbon.
The vicar was most impressed by the band's capacity. (So was I!!)
Jim
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Hornblower
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Another great dit, Sir.
I always enjoyed listening to the old soldiers telling their stories of great characters and their exploits all over the world.
When I was a Chatham rating, I thought I was the bees knees - but it brings you back down to earth when you discover that it's all been done long before you were there... probably with more panache too!
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