townsergeant
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RUSSIAI think it was 1991 when Staff Band at Deal visited St Petersburg and Moscow?
Imagine the scene....we have been there for 3 days. The food, awful by our standards but the best that they could provide.
After an evening on champagne & lighter fuel, sorry, Vodka, I ventured back to our 'comfy' room to find Andy 'Brick' Wall, munching a can of corned beef, directly out of the tin! (The said rations were intended to form part of a gift for the Russians. Unfortunately, hunger took over!) 
They said 'don't drink the water' so we used Vodka to rinse after brushing our teeth! 
There were many other 'highlights' to the trip.....over to you bootybandy! 
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admin
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That was the same gig that we had the "escorts" who were 'interpreters'. We nicknamed them Ken, George and Boris or KGB for short. One of them showed us his KGB ID card after we got him socially confused an he admitted he was there to get us out of any trouble that might find us!
The first night, there was a reception and the Brit embassy guys explained about the water and that anyone who had drank any should go drink 3 vodkas to kill off the bugs in the water!
The whole band on Vodka and Champagne all night and the whole bill was something crazy like £27 including nibbles!
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boneflyer
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Russia 1991? I seem to recall a certain diminutive corporal euphonium player being a very interesting shade of green the morning after - unable to walk without his FMB Oz suitcase to keep him upright. I have never to this day seen anyone turn that colour and live to see another day. Not sure if he even made the evening gig at th'Tchaikovsky Hall. I don't think he was taking any chances with the bugs in the water!!
Does townsergeant or anyone else recall the Russian barmaids joining in with our rendition of Men of Harlech (gets your....etc)? Nearly as funny as the food.
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Bronco
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your trip sounds as bad as BRNC bands trip back around c1991?. We were on an assault ship in the Crimea , and were the first ship to enter that region since the Crimean war. Once there, They put us up in a hotel for their privileged air force personnel,( having kicked them out first).
Having consumed vast quantities of Vodka with some of their bomber crews one night, i remember them stating that in the event of a nuclear war, it was their mission to drop nuclear bombs on key U.K cities. I remember asking them if they woud make a slight detour to Deal. ( well...you can only ask). Anyway, for breakfast we had curdled milk, A portion of Veal the size of a postage stamp, and beetroot as hot as a Vindaloo. One evening, around Seven of us had a meal in the local restaurant,and the total bill was around Seven quid. The only thing that tasted good that night was the Vodka. After a week, we flew home having lost around a stone in weight and all had some form of dysentry. Forget the Cambridge diet, if you want to lose weight, GO TO RUSSIA, THE A*****E of the world. 
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bootybandy
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I always thought that if the world was constipated they would insert the Enema in Brisbane. (Or so Billy Connolly suggests). 
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