I'm A Forum Member - Get Me Out Of Here !

FFoglamp · I'm A Forum Member - Get Me Out Of Here !

I think we should run our own "jungle" programme. This is the virtual online fantasy programme where we imagine 5 guys and 5 gals from the forum living together in the jungle and see how they get on, and do some tasks which us, the other forum members vote for.

So, the presenters (Ant & Dec) will be myself and Hornblower - we used to commentate on Montague Cup matches !

The naff programme on itv afterwards could be presented by Mr.Jumpig
(a truly funny person), and the tasks and trials could be dreamed up by the producer - Deli.

So here they are, just parachuting in to the jungle.............

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BOOTY BANDY

POMPEY RICH

LES BRYAN

RAB THOMSON

AARON AARDVARK

GREENFAIRY

A

GEEKY GIRL

VIC SHAW

ZED HORN

....... and the first bush tucker trial. There is a barbecue with 10 sausages on it, and 10 naked ex drum majors wandering around. You have to get a sausage, catch a DM and shove it up his ar$e, to get a star.
Every star is a meal.

But, who do you want to do this task tomorrow ? Only YOU can vote !!!

2 days !..........use the poll or post here.

FFoglamp

Thats 3 votes already, but where is my co - presenter ? Stu, where are you ?

admin

Ohhhh look who's in the lead! Does that mean they are leading or bringing up the rear?

FFoglamp

WOW !! as at midnight its Botty in the lead with 36% of the vote.... and still no Hornblower to join me on here. !

Hornblower

With 3 others on 16% (GF, Rab and A) the competition is wide open!

Who do YOU want to see do the first bush tucker trial? Come on it must be worth your vote to see one of our forummers sticking a hot sausage up the nether regions of our own tame(ish) drummy - you know it makes sense, VOTE NOW!!!!

admin

Hornblower

ROFLMFHO!!!

windypipes

At least im not on the list!

Dan A

Wait up you ba$tards....you forgot to say the down side of this trial....is..if anyone tries to sort me with a sausage again I will punch their lights out!!!!!.........whos up for it now!!!!.....or better still turn the tables and whip a quick chorizo up their duckrun!!!!...thats a better challenge...shaft the Drum major before he shafts you!!!!
Dan

MrJpig

FFoglamp

Come on, then only one more day left, get your votes in. Botty leading from Rab and GF. Slightly harder now as one of the naked DM's has gone renegade and will fight back (see above), once he's talked the others around you get 10 of them chasing you.

OH MY GOD, a daisy chain of sausages !!!!

Remember you can't phone or text, but use your keyboard on this thread to register your vote if not done so. 15 in so far.

Next challenge is, we want you the innocent bystanding forummer to set the next bush tucker trial. So, give me some ideas, what do you think Stu ?

townsergeant

I thought it was a vote for who you'd like to see in the Jungle Shower?

Guess who I voted for? And it isn't Botty!

Hornblower

FFoglamp

Well, my old piece of flooring (Deck) , I have a few things up the sleeve for the contestants. Admin "blew in my ear" (Yeuchh, have to empty it now), with a few good uns. My fave so far has to be Billy and the jungle shower ? Unfortunately this isn't going to run for weeks (as opposed to ITV), and we will have to think about eliminating forummers soon ?

ZedHorn

not sure i'm gonna win this one (or is that lose) but I can be on standby for medical emergencies with rubber gloves and a light source if necessary!!!

band by the left quick 'bend over'!

MrJpig

OOOOOOOOOOOOOH......look who I found waiting in the wings incase of eyewatering injury or bottle crashing.........its the Dartmouth Horn player in full jungle rig

Spoiler:

FFoglamp

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah !!!! Don't you just love this ITV2 show !

Thank you Mr. Jumpig..............and err.........Botty still in the lead for the sausage chase, Rab, GF, and now the Aardvark making a late showing !

Get those votes in. Only until tonight to go !

Dan A

OK FOGGY I MET NORM TODAY AND HE IS UP TO CHASE YOUR CONTESTANTS ABOUT TO SO WE WENT LOOKING FOR GEAR AND FOUND THESE FETCHING HELMETS...THE CHINESE ON MY SHIRT MEANS SAUSAGE INSERTER OF GREAT DEXTERITY!!!!!!!!!!

Hornblower

Aaron Aardvark

VOTE FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I really really really want to stick sausages up drummies bums......yehhhhh....bring em on. Cumberland snags, Lincolnshire herby ones....Im not fussy.......shove em up there my son....wahhoooooo. Hic...........im sick of ants

admin

************NEWSFLASH************
The celebrity hatbox task is just about to happen.
The two forumites chosen to do the task are Les and Rab. They set off into the jungle from camp in their flurescent orange jumpsuits (complete with medals and blazer badges) at a fair pace. Once round the corner they stop for a smoke… “Out pipes” harps up Les and they put out their tabs.
“Fancy another?” asks Rab.
“Oh, don’t mind if I do oppo. Want a swig from me hip flask?”
“Oh, top idea, where have you kept that hidden?” says Rab swigging from the cigar shaped flask.
“I’d rather not say but since you ask” he leans forward and whispers in the big fella’s ear
“Ohhh err, I bet that made your eyes smart” said Rab passing the flask back
“Aye, just a tad” said Les secreting the hip flask from where it came.
Les, with a tear in his eye, and Rab set off looking for the celebrity hatbox.

Happening across a mound of earth, they noticed the hatbox hanging from a tree close by. “Well pal” said Rab “looks like we have to climb up that heap of stuff there and get the hatbox down from that branch. Have you let one go?”
“Eh, what?”
“Have you dropped yer handbag?”
“Eh?”
“Coughed in yer breeks man!”
“Eh?”
“Have you let one go or crapped yer pants?”
“No, its that big pile of stuff over there!”
“Oh $hit”
“Aye!”

The intrepid pair begin to climb the mound of dung to the top…
Rab reaches up and the box is a fingertip away. Les reaches up and it is a foot away!
“Only one thing fer it Les, you’ll have tae sit on my shoulders”
“Eye, that I will but how am I going to get on them, you are a big lad!”
“Have nae fear, I’ll just burrow down a bit in this pile and kneel down in the hole and you can climb on my shoulders. Then I’ll stand up using the sides of the hole for support”
“Champion!”

The two begin the plan and before a gnat can break wind Les has the hatbox in his hands. “Reet, put me down lad. Ave gor it m’laddo” he said in a sudden Northern accent that hitherto had not been heard until now.

Looking on the top of the hatbox was a message saying:
To get the key to this hatbox you’ll probably end up in the $hit

The two puzzled over this for some time and then Rab’s razor like brain clicked into play… “Les, start digging, I’m going to start at the bottom”
“Thee can stay well away from my bottom lad, I’m not one of they thee knows!”
“No!” shouted Rab, “Bottom of the pile!”
“Nay lad, you can stay well away from them as well, they have bin givin thee gyp all day!”
Rab slid down the heap shouting to Les that he meant the bottom of the pile they were on, not Les’ personal pile.
The digging began with a smoke break and sippers from the warm hip flask as it was thrown between the two. “Come on Les, time to get in the $hit mate”.
The digging was slow and smelly, very smelly. As the sun began to set Rab gave out a shout of delight as he pulled the hatbox key from the pile.

The two intrepid explorers made a weary smelly way back to camp with their trophy.

The remainder of the camp could smell them as they arrived. “Oh a hatbox!” said Zed
Thinking Zed was taking the mick out of him Botty took offence “Who are you calling a hatbox you latex gloved buffoon!”.
“No, they are back with the hatbox” said Zed pointing at the smelly pair weedle their way down the track into camp.
The whole camp ran up to meet them and grabbed the hatbox.
Opening the hatbox they all looked inside. On top was a note saying “With love to all the forumites. Dan A”
“Is it an MP3 player loaded with drum statics? asked Pumpy
“A train warrant?” enquired Vic
“A pirate hat?” asked GF
“A manuscript of some exciting new music?” asked A
“Beer?” asked Geeky
“Ants” asked Aaron
Les put his hand into the box and pulled it out quickly “Oh ah can’t do it!” he cried
Rab, taking the bull by the horns plunged his hand into the box and with joy pulled out the contents in celebration shouting “SAUSAGES!”

MrJpig

STAND BY TO STAND BY ................

FFoglamp

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah !!!! Its 2307 thurs eve, and the voting closes in 3 mins. Why ? Cos I said so, and I wanna go to bed.

So, 22 votes in, and Botty is still leading 27%, followed by the Aardvark in 2nd.

Thank you for the votes from Thailand - sausage insertees !

...................and the highlights of the day from Admin. (Class stuff)

So, any last votes to turn it ?

bootybandy

BuGGR....Oops. wrong word there. Sorry. I tried voting for Double Aa but the voting has ceased....

FFoglamp

VOTES CLOSED !!!!

Okay 10 forummers. The others have voted, and Zed, its not you.
Aaron, its not you. Rab, it might be you. Les, it definitely will not be you. You polled no votes at all, not a SAUSAGE. Bugger all !!!

Botty, it might be you. The rest of youse, no not today.

This is it, its............................

BOTTY

So, here is what you have to do to get 10 stars.

You have to write a poem and publish it here, and it must include the words SAUSAGES, INSERTING, and DAN ARCHER !!!!! (1-5 stars dependent on content).

You have to reply to Dan and Norman, and say hello on behalf of all of us (1 star).

..........and for the other 4 stars, we want a picture of you, on here, with a sausage.

Then you can all "eat" and survive another day.

So, come on Botty, are you up to it, or do you cry "I'm a forum member, get me out of here" and never darken this thread again ?

Good luck !!!!

Hornblower will be back with more exciting bolox tomorrow, and hopefully, Deli's live blog !!!

A

A

Is there a diary room? Because I need to vent about some suspicious brown 'presents' that keep appearing in my sleeping bag..........

windypipes

How did it get in there??

FFoglamp

So, here we are. Another bright and fresh day in the virtual jungle.

We are awaiting Botty doing his task, and a new poll is about to start.

So, lets lock this one up, have a commercial break, and see you for episode 2 - new thread.

BYEEEEEEEEEE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

admin

Locked