Aaron Aardvark
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Hoover (with friends like these.....)ok it has to be told.
I was just sweeping up one night and mucking out my drawer when I overheard one of the boys say to the others "lets do something completely different tonight and go for a wet" Well off they all went and some got wetter than others. Whilst it was quiet I decided to go into all the grots and have a poke about and to find a missing ball top. I was underneath the bed of Musn Bygrave and I found a Haynes Car Manual for Brown Cortinas. Well, I was so absorbed with this useful book that I failed to hear all the boys return. Musn Bygrave was being half carried, half dragged by numerous other staggering bandies. Next thing, his door is flung open and he is plopped onto his bed. Almost immediately a rumble could be heard. Then what happened next can only be described as a grenade full of sick exploding into a confined space. Oh deary me. It was everywhere. Up the walls, on his bed, in his hat box and sadly all over the Haynes Car Manual for Brown Cortinas. His mates heard the noise and saw a comatose Max on his back covered in goop and maltesers. His mates, being concerned that his death was imminent, sat him upright and i heard one say "we have to clean him. Its COs rounds in the morning" They filled a bath full of cold water and I thought "oh what fantastic mates to look after one of their own so thoughtfully" With this they picked him up, dragged him off to the heads and threw him into the bath. Fully clothed. They went back to his grot and started a pussers clean. The bedding got thrown out of the window, his hat box was thrown under the stairs and much to my horror, the Haynes Car Manual for Brown Cortinas was chucked in the bin in the coffee boat. Out came the hoover.........up got sucked all the sick. They went back for Max. There he was lying in cold water surrounded by congealed sick, his ID card and wallet were floating on the surface along with a fiver. Lying in between all this gank was Max, glasses all askew and snoring his head off. Next morning everyone was beavering away cleaning for rounds. Suddenly, there was a wail. Then a raging rant and Duxbury could be heard shouting " you dirty b******s" He was trying to hoover his room.
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Co-admin
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Duckers... Wisbury Duckegg... so many names for one person.
I bet he dripped for a month as well.
I have been known to use the hoover in a garage to suck up puke when driving taxis in Deal but NOT the sort with a bag. I bet it chucked up big time 
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RAB
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I've recently been in touch with an old mate of Ffoglamp, and he assures me that Mark STILL hoovers up the "puddle" when his kid pukes in the bathroom...
I post this with confidence... 
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Nick Jones
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I though this referred to Nutty Hooverton (ex Fleet band Solo Clart) any guesses anyone?? Max, Bids??
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Aaron Aardvark
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Nick I just flashed back aghhhhhhhhhh
would that be the 'Atmosphere Hoover' you are on about?? He walked into any room and immediately all the jolly happiness got sucked out and the MO was swamped with requests for antidepressants.
Cant for the life of me think of his name now 
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Nick Jones
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Yep he's the one!!!!! Apparently...........he's now found the love of Jesus, and is a member of God Squad! No offence meant to any 'followers' on this site, but it's a bit amusing when you think about the person involved!!!!
What religion to aardvarks follow???????
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Aaron Aardvark
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We dont follow a religion.....only our long blunt moist snouts 
They lead us down the right path especially where beer and curry are involved....ahhhhhhh the aroma
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Nick Jones
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Mmmm the Goddess Bhuna! and her faithfull servant Stella! Now thats religion! thered be less problems in the world if we knocked down the churches and lived using the power of Curry and Beer!!!!!
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Aaron Aardvark
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yes and a can of Corps Birthday to use as holy water.....
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General Melchett
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Amen to that Rev. - Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!
Off to "church" for lunch then! 
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admin
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In the name of the lager
the bitter
and the optic spirits
May the can of Bod
the menu sheet from the curry house
the ice cubes and top shelf spirits
be with you now and for every hangover.
Go in peace...
... and keep the noise down as the local residents get upset!
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