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HEVER CASTLEOnce upon a time there was a coach outing for some Starboard Band Dog Ends to Hever Castle.
The occasion was part of a week long tour for members of the Legal proffesion (I`m saving the word 'bar' for later).
On arrival it was the usual greeting of Royal ma who? or Raymond Bland??
After we managed to find somebody in charge we were conveyed to our changing tent on a Massey Ferguson limo and trailer.
While getting changed for the first stint we were informed that there was an hour delay. Back into civvies and out for a dander.
I think it was Steve Cook and I who drifted into a tent (aided by our beer radars) and promptly ordered a couple of pints. "How much do we owe you purveor of fine liquer"? Nothing says the very nice man .....here it comes....IT`S A FREE BAR!!!
It transpires these legal beavers had been on a massive PU all week some of them surviving only on Bacardi and aspirin.
Once the word reached Dogend HQ the bar became quite busy.
We went on and produced something resembling military music on the march then lunch.
Every hand had a bottle of wine with lunch including a small well dressed white haired gentleman with pips on his shoulders a pencil moustache on his lip and a stubby pencil in his back pocket!! (Guess who it is yet?)
After lunch more booze was consumed and bandy being bandy decided if it was free why not have some for the way home. The very nice man behind the bar didn`t mind so it was clink clink all the way back to the tent.
A mini concert ensued with myself and Ben Robinson on Tuba taking it in shifts to play a few bars then burst into a fit of giggles. EVERYONE was under the affluence of incohol and they/we loved it. 
Steve Cook managed to play The Reggie March on the drum kit with a woman on each knee.
Once packed away it was on to the Tractor again.
I was on the step begging the driver to let me drive and as he said "what if something should happen?" he turned the wheel, the tractor and trailer met with a rotund horn players leg in between!!
He passed out but he NEVER let go of his free drink in a carrier bag.
He was transported off to a local country hospital where he was visited shortly thereafter by a coach full of happy chappies.
As the bus chrunched into the gravel driveway the lone figure of TF stood up and took the PA mike
"Now Gentlemen (never Gents, thats`s where you point percy at the porcelain) you will have to keep the noise down"
He sat smartly down when in unison (first time that day) He was told to sit down and shut up himself!!!!! cannot use the real language incase filter blocks me out.
Tubs Waters, Ooops shouldn`t have said that, was given a Grand Prix tour of the Hospital in his newly aquired wheelchair and he was STILL holding onto his carry out. What a guy.
Severe headaches all round next day, but as you said Stuey WHAT A GIG!! 
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MrJpig
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I am not a guest just a useless computeristIt was so much easier with a PAPER BRAIN
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Hornblower
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It all started so innocently...
I remember just chilling, waiting for the gig - I think we were to do a marching display (don't remember that though!) and a sit down concert in the open air. Surprisingly, it was a nice day.
After I'd been resting me eyes for a short while a couple of excited bandies burst into the tent and said the the ice creams were free, they had ordered a couple, dug into their pockets to be told that the entire shindig was already paid for.
Not long after that (and this was a real sacrifice on the part of the long forgotten heroes who returned to the tent to impart this news in the light of the fact they were wasting FREE beer drinking time) a couple more of our number burst in even more excitedly to inform us that the booze was entirely and utterly costless.
Oh boy did we move then! Just in case their was a time limit you understand. (I'm not joking!!)
The rest is timeless history for those that were there. Genuinely, the only sober person by the time we did the sit down gig was our wonderful DoM, the ever exuberant Terry What I Survived. (Actually, we got on quite well when he wasn't shouting at me.)
I'll never forget the sight of Steve Cook with a girl on each knee trying to play the kit - but even better was TF's visage, you'd have thought that he was conducting the massed bands at the Albert Hall. He seemed to genuinely not notice that we were all unable to play - at all! You'd have thought he'd just pack it all in and give up. But no, he resolutely went throught the programme despite the fact that we didn't have a scooby what we were doing. Priceless!
When we were at the hospital, a small country affair with no facilities for A&E, the matron was absolutely horrified that we were just wanting to race up and down with Trev Waters in his wheelchair (and he really was clutching his 'Duty Free's' - we all were) All the time TF sat in the front of the coach maintaining utter dignity. We didn't care about the ramifications, but as it turned out there were none. It was if the whole thing was just a really bad dream for him. As far as I remember, it was never mentioned.
Another thing that sticks in my memory was the sight of Steve Cook's head being plunged under a gushing cold water tap in a very large sink when we returned to Chatham. Some kind soul (and I think it was YOU  Andy) was shaking his head back and forth under the taps to try to sober him up. Trouble was, there wasn't much room between the big brass taps and his head was bruised and bleeding. He really was a mess!!
If you ever join this forum and read this Terry, I'd love to know your thoughts on it all. Did you think you dreamed it all? It was real, I was there!
If anyone else who was there wishes to add to this dit, I'd love to know some of the other stuff that went on - I can't remember!!!!! 
Stuey 
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