Funniest things to happen on a gig

Hey Nonny · Funniest things to happen on a gig

Royal Tournament 1990 – The boss conducting from the auditorium for the finale ‘Finlandia’. A member of the audience wants to get past him while he’s conducting, apparently oblivious to the role of the conductor in the show. A bit of an altercation ensues

, but the bloke manages to squeeze past. Meanwhile there is evidence of many animated shoulders and white helmets as the Massed Bands relish this magic moment

. Then after a couple of moments the bloke decides he hadn’t disrupted The boss enough so he goes back and takes a swipe at him with (please correct me if I’m wrong) a rolled up newspaper

. Controlled hysterics from the arena as the bloke is escorted out by a couple of duty booties. Ahh, delicious.

Come on peeps, get your funniest moments posted on the site!

Hornblower

OMIGOD

There's far too many funny moments to choose from to come up with the funniest...

Let me think for a while OK?

Tee hee, titter giggle. (Thinking)

Hey Nonny

I know, most of the funniest moments I can think of relate to my f*** ups and there are lots of them.

Goody goody. I'll send a tenner to the first person that posts a funny that I was responsible for... now the gauntlet has been thrown down for a bit of head scratching and investigative work!

Hey nonny nonny!

jock · the knob

if i remember the song went,----- weve got a brand new boss hes even worse than goss hes a fu$$ing kn?b, eeh ooh

MrJpig

I`m glad I served at a time when all the bosses were ok ....eh HB??

Spoiler:

Hey Nonny

Nope, I’m SURE I definitely wrote ‘The Kn*b’ and not ‘The Boss’, but bravo to a keen eyed Deli for not letting that one slip though the net. I can’t remember anyone referring to him as the boss, ever, it was always K...

"ehhhhhrrrr, you know, I apweciate that"

Hey Nonny

Oz took his video camera on tour once and got footage of Mick Davey doing a kn*b impression, and then of course, naturellement, it was shown on the band coach. Just as well he could take a joke, NOT.

Hornblower

General Melchett

It takes me back to your leaving speach Nonny!

Hornblower

Ah! Leaving speeches! Now that does remind me of a funny moment (but I suspect you had to be there!)

Chris Sheppard (Sorry if spelt wrong) left the RMBS as WOII Bandmaster of BRNC. His leaving gift from the band was a tankard.

Before I tell you his speech, we have to go back in time a couple of months and the summer season was upon us (County Shows - Same as it ever was) and due to some unfortunate mishaps involving alcohol and bandies, we were banned (all of us) from drinking any alcohol whatsoever at gigs. SHAME!

There was a bunch of us sat on a table (Me, Steve Dennis, Taff Hedditch, Steve Shutt to name but 4) getting very bored after spending our meal tickets and not being able to have a beer (or 2).

Chris and a clutch of SNCO's (one of whom was (gentleman) Sgt Dave Rogerson) were sitting a couple of tables away with their hawk-eyes upon us.

I hit upon a great idea! (Goes into huddle) I'll go up to the bar and buy a round of tonic waters with ice & lemon... see what happens.

A couple of those present weren't too keen, not sure why, I thought it was a great plan. So up I went to the bar and could feel eyes boring into my back - me and Chris were always daggers drawn.

I ordered the drinks and walked back to the table with them on a tray. I threw a guilty glance over at Chris et al and knew they had bitten.

Not long after sitting down and giving the drinks out, Chris sent Dave over to investigate the drinks. What a bluff! I offered sippers of my tonic water to Dave, telling him it was nothing more than that with a very genuine promise.

He took my word for it (told you he was a gentleman!) and reported back.

God only knows what Bandy's response was, as he watched Dave coming back and us sitting there laughing - but he didn't challenge Dave's action or decision.

I actually wished I'd put gin in one of them now, or maybe all of them!!

Anyway - fast forward to his leaving speech. The entire band was gathered and expected a long and rambling history of his service and those he wanted to thank etc.

His only words on standing after opening his tankard were thus:

"I'm surprised Thorn didn't fill it with milk."

He sat down to stunned silence - even from me!!!

A broken man? Mentally crippled? I don't know, but one thing I do know is that he never cracked me, even though he tried.

I quite liked him actually and was told (secretly) that he liked me too, but we both had our jobs to do - wind each other up.

He threw his baton at me once and it lodged in Taff Samuel's head - true.

Happy days!!!!

Hey Nonny

I can't remember my leaving speech Melch, in fact I can't remember very much at all from that time, but I do get the odd flashback to longgggggggggggggg coach journeys, with videos playing at 3.00 in the morning when all you want to do is sleep

and being very, very f****d off.

Still, that's life in a blue suit Royal, and I wouldn't have missed it for anything! Apart from the longggggg coach journeys, with .... stop me if you've heard this one before...

RAB

General Melchett

Poker..... POKER? And what is wrong with Euchre Rab?

RAB

bootybandy

If memory serves me, wasn't Pinto a Croupier at one time or another?

RAB

bootybandy

No, No that I think is True.... Honest, (Fingers crossed)

Hey Nonny

Tom Gallacher - what a boy! I played with him a few times in the orchestra pit in the Carnegie Hall. One night he forgot his glasses and had to lean forward to read the dots. For any of you not fortunate enough to know him, he plays trombone. Can you see where this one is going? Nope? Well neither could Tom, his slide kept dinking the back of a female bassoonists head and an almighty row ensued.

She was henceforth known as poison Ivy, and Tom was a very naughty boy.

RAB

Funniest things to happen on a gig

the knob