Drum Major - Nasty or Nice?

Co-admin · Drum Major - Nasty or Nice?

Well, we've all followed them, been balled out by them, laughed at them, been laughed at by them but... were they nice or nasty?

Some were, some weren't

One DGP Dawson BEM was perhaps the funniest person I ever had the pleasure to march behind; he was, and still is, a master of the one liner, two liner or joke... I'll throw these into the pot quickly.

Drum Majors course and Dave was the CDM (Corps Drum Major) and instructor.
CDM: "Cpl Goode, do you have any money on you?"
Cpl Goode: "Yes Drummy, of course" and started digging in his pockets thinking the CDM wanted to borrow some
CDM: "Great, go and get your bloody hair cut then and take Cpl Naylor with you!"

Sat in his office and a Musician who needed a hair cut walked past...
CDM: "Monnery, come ere. Open the BR1 (The Holy Bible) to page x and read me Chapter ? Verse ?"
Mons: "He that hath long hair is a sinner"
CDM: "Corrrrrrrrect... but you won't be a sinner at 1400 when you report back to me will you?"

CDM to a Junior NCO:
"Corporal X, do you like games?"
"Yes Drum Major"
Dave Dawson then drew 7 lines on a piece of paper and started to ask the JNCO for letters of the alphabet as he started to play Hangman... The JNCO thought he had it cracked but he was in a loose loose situation.

7 letters begining with H and ending in aircut

Priceless!!

Aaron Aardvark

I never had a hair problem. I am all pink rough and stubbly. A bit like Dan's bottom.

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RAB · Hairy

Your life as an Aardvaark must be very frustrating, always having to look up to everyone...especially Dan's Bo.....shame for you.

First experience of a Drum Major was the fabulous John Porter.
"What's your name Jnr Musician Thomson?"
Robert, Drum Major.

"Well mine's John, but you can call me Drum Major for Short"

Co-admin

Another classic from the DGP files...

he walked into the coffee boat and passed a Musician two elastic bands. The musician looked confused and looked at the two bands in his hand.
The Drum Major looked at him and said "You can put it in bunches until you get to the barbers!"

On parade, he walked to the rear rank of clarinets and stood behind a 3 badger,
"Is your head hurting you?"
"No Drummy, should it be?"
"Yes it should because I'm stood on your hair"

A Master of the one liner

Nick Jones · A Dan Archer Classic

Picture the scene. Fleet band, mid to late eighties. A long haired, ladies man of a percussionist (any ideas yet???) had purchased a Gun Dog (ish) that refused to be trained. Whenever he let it off the lead it ran at Mach 10 to the furthest point in the opposite direction to said percussionist!!! On one sad day the dog took a wrong turn, ran onto the motorway and had a fatal argument with an Artic.

Couple of days later on the chalk board outside drummies office - 'Musn Steve 'M1' Vintner report to Drum Major Archer'. Steve goes into to see Dan. 'Drummie, whats the M1 for? Response from Dan ' not for walking ur f****n dog on! '. Classic.

Pusser

I got promoted to BSgt when I was in the Fleet Band. First gig as a Senior was some Table Top in a London hotel. Dave Dawson - Drum Major and Capt Freestone - DofM.

Getting rigged Terry Bishop sidled up to me and whispered that he had forgotten his chinstrap. Sure that Dave Dawson had noticed something going on I took advantage (sorry Terry) of this opportunity to display my disciplinary skills and, in a voice just loud enough for the people who mattered to hear, told Terry this simply was not good enough for a Musician of his experience (three badger) but reassured him this was his lucky day and gave him the spare one I kept in my helmet box. Then, a little louder, "I want it back after the gig!"

Opened up my euph case - no mouthpiece - idiot!

I think I busked through the gig with a trombone mouthpiece after suffering some well deserved silent changing room abuse such as only Bandies can inflict.

For the next few days, every time I passed within sight of Dave Dawson, he just 'looked' at me.

johnboy14

As long as they don't catch you out of step then your ok. Thats my experience of them.

bootybandy

Dave Dawson was my first Drum Major under training. He used to call people into his office and actually draw lines on the sides of their head to mark where the sideburns should be. Ask Gilly about that one..

lesbryan

We had a gunnery officer like that booty he was a right T%&*

bootybandy

No, don't get me wrong Les. Under Training every one in authority is looked upon as a bit of a tyrant. It's only when you meet up again as an adult that you see their point of view, and laugh and drink with them. It's only one CB that got up everyones nose permanently. He just had a knack of doing it to everyone.

lesbryan

yes so was this gunnery officer we had him at ganges he came to my first ship halfway through the commish and god forbid he was my do at whale island he was tyrant

Dan A

I dont know about my ex colleagues but being a Drum Major in the Band Service was one of the best jobs ever. Never mind the fancy suit and status (if there was any!!) the best thing was the crack from the Band. The priviledge of seeing bandies making life comfortable from Norway to Belize or on whatever ship we were on. The sheer proffing, to ensure the band was sorted. Sense of Humour that was second to none....and on the whole always getting it right on the worlds stage. I look back with sheer pleasure and always with a smile at some of the great guys i have known. I met one the other day at Dicks funeral ... Fred Miller!!!! IYM fame and a Fleet Band stalwart. We laughed at the scams of the IYM and it was so good to be able to meet without rancour on either part.

I do not believe we should indulge in personal critiscism on this site otherwise it becomes a free for all for derision and personal and vindictive attacks. I think the personal polls are despicable.Surely thats not what we want on the site.
Its always difficult to see the full picture and pressures when you are a Bandy or Bugler, promotion invariably brings responsibility and more importantly clarity of the task.
Best wishes to you all... and to the IYM.... I know you are out there you scamming, scheming, skylarking, irreverent, double dealing, proffing, pi$$ taking bunch of BAS****S!!!
Dan

Co-admin

Now, imagine the scene...

The Drum Major is one Dan Archer, the Bugle Major Johnny Vowles.
Dan was stood alongside Vance T 'Griff' Griffin (the accused) who was up before the Director of Music Captain Ted Whealing for some minor crime. Johnny Vowels was 'Griff's' Divisional Officer and there as a character witness and to help with his defence. Dan read the Charge and everytime Ted looked down to read the officialese taped to his desk 'Griff' leaned forward and put his tongue out at Ted... who obviously did not see it. Johnny Vowles and Dan looked at each other and could not believe what they had just seen, 'Griff' was behaving very seriously each time Ted looked up at him... then Ted put his head down again to read and 'Griff' did it again... by then Johnny and Dan were stifling laughs and 'Griff' started to play to the crowd. Ted was oblivious (and probaly still was until he reads this) to the whole affair. 'Griff' was fined a pittance and marched out as serious as you like. Outside all three of them fell about... not good discipline... but bloody funny...

bootybandy

1980/81 Carlisle Great Fair. FOSNI Band were performing their Beat Retreat within the Castle. Ron Kempton = Boss, Dan Archer = Drum Major. Before it was our turn to march on there was this huge American High College Band called "The Big Brown Machine". They totalled about 60 musicians with typical American instruments, Sousaphones, Trumpets, Trombones, Bell Lyres etc. etc. More of a musical choreography than a display, but hey, that's the Americans for you. They were quite impressive and produced a "BIG" sound.

Having seen this "Brown Job Machine" strut their stuff, every single person in the Band was "UP FOR IT". We did not want to go on after them with a small band of 45 and not show the people of Carlisle what we could do. We were so pumped up for this that on completeion of the Beat Retreat Dan Archer gathered the Band together and said that he not only heard and felt the power that we produced, but actually said that it nearly blew his helmet off!!!

It's amazing how proud we all are at being able to not only produce the goods as normal, but actually produce the passion and pride that we all feel when our status as the best Military Band in the world is threatened.

It was one of the performances that will live with me for the rest of my life.

FFoglamp

.............and I've got that one in my archive recordings too. Big Brown Music Machine followed by Jock Stewart, bass trombone, accompanied by RMB.

Dan A

Yes I remember it well... we went on to National Emblem. From top to bottom the Band played its skin off..... you just had to be there........on completion there was a definite.... Catch a load of that b'stard....... Big Brown Music Machine.
Not the first or last time that quite remarkable little old Fosni Band did things like that.... One concert in the Free Trade Hall Manchester was very similar... all under the Baton Of the underpromoted Ron Kempton... but then again he was very musical!!!

So glad that we all remember one gig with so much pride.......... can remember a few others not quite so fondly!!!!!!
Dan

Chart1218

Can't agree more guys, that gig was probably the only time thatI can actually remember the hair on the back of my neck standing up.....and that wasn't because it was to long Dan!!!!..................well said Botty Bundy!!

bootybandy

I Thank Yew...

FFoglamp

Well, thats it. After reading the last few threads, I'm going to dust down the old tape and play it. Critical review coming soon !!!!

bootybandy

FFoglamp

Does anyone remember Korean Folk Song ? We did that for a season, good piece !!!! (Especially with 5 different tuned percussion parts, and only 1 me).

bootybandy

But you are worth five mortals Mark.....

Dan A

Mark i do recall Tom Plummer and Tommy Lawton helping you out in the Korean piece..... but good stuff anyway. Ron was a remarkable musician. and encouraged to be so too.... Malc Payne always came under his very beady eye and ear!!!!! as the euph and cello player. Ron loved the guys and always talks about that band when I am fortunate to meet him.
However, he does not like to be reminded of losing his magazine in Belfast......mag for his 9mm....... he virtually unpacked the pantech himselve looking for his helmet box where he had left it....... I think at the time it was a Court Martial and £20 a round and he had 10...... A real good man..... quirky!!!! but excellent boss.
Dan

bootybandy

That was the one where the Matelot security guy assigned to the band wore his shoulder holster with his 9mm "OUTSIDE" of his jacket. Very covert that one...Lol

General Melchett

I never knew Ron Kempton, however George Morrison always spoke very highly of him to me. He always said that he was the most musical Boss that he'd played under, and never reached the promotion potential he deserved. I liked the stories most however as his "office" was at the Ship Inn in Limekilns! Seemed like a top Boss....!

Aaron Aardvark

Ron was a fabbo bloke......I stayed at his pub in sarnie a few times.....cant remember much about it though.

bootybandy

I spent a new year's eve there with Mac McD, George Tate, George Morrison, Al Lyall, Johnny Griff, et al. Ron and his then wife, Barbara were superb hosts.

Excellent fun, can't remember sod all about it, which is quite normal when you get a mixture like that. Was the pub called the Crispin? Can't remember. It was also frequented by some RAF types from a local base who got given a bit of stick that night.

Everybody that had anything to say about Ron always had a good word to say about him.

I remember when he bought a new car in FOSNI, it was a Fiat estate and PINK!!! By the time he left the main gate of Cochrane and drove to the band room there was a telephone call waiting for him from Dave Lambert in Raleigh Band saying what he thought of a "Pink Car" and giving him some stick. That's the kind of boss he was that you could call him at any time and have a chat.

A great boss and a pleasure to be in his band. One of a kind.

Aaron Aardvark

yes the Crispin. He had this little jack russel dog thingy too....mmmm and a spooky white fluffy cat that slept in the shower.

It jumped out at you after you had had a few and you thought it was a spook.

Dan A

Ron was not bothered who he spoke to or who he mixed with... rank did not matter as long as you were musical or looked after his musicians. He loved his guys... play well, play with passion or go on draft somewhere else. Whatever you do be passionate about it..... great guy I do not see him as much as i shouls but i count him as afriend.
What great things might have been achieved if he had been PDM with McD as his striker..
Dan

FFoglamp

Hear Hear !!!!!! Dan.

Best 4 musical years of my life, in FOSNI/Ship Inn with Ron.

It was Ron and Mac that press ganged me into joining the short lived seniors band at Pompey a few years back. I wouldn't have come out of retirement for anyone else.

Visited Ron and Barbara last, August 05, with John Aylmore, whilst down for our troop run.

(Thats Deal in Europe)

Drum Major - Nasty or Nice?

Hairy

A Dan Archer Classic